Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
