Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so let's talk penis.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
