I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
