What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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