i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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