Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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