sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
