I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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