Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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