i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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