When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
