I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
