pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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