The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
