i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
