It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
