I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wish my penis had a tongue
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
