According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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