i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she peed on how many people?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
