Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
