I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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