Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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