quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
