I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
