Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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