Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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