God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
