dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
