I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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