there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
