I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
