I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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