Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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