I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
