Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
