Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
