Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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