just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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