I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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