The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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