my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Terrible idea I love it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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