well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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