I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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