I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Randomize
