i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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