I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
