I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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