K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
