Quick, to the slutcave!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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