I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
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I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
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Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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