Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
