Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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