Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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