Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
did you just send me my own nude
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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