This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
