i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
